Category: Forgiveness

The de-splintering of hands and hearts

4/11/2016

This year would be different. This year those rose bushes wouldn't win in the yearly spring pruning battle. This year I wouldn't have the scars from the battle upon my body.

Why do I do this every year? It's simple. I love having fresh cut flowers such as roses in my house, so I have been willing to tackle this annual task. This year I was better prepared. I wore long sleeves, my thick Duluth overalls and had gloves on as I worked on pruning back the rose bushes. In the past, the rose bushes with their thorns have left evidence upon me that I have tackled the job of pruning them. I was hoping to avoid that this year. And it worked or so I thought. I came out with not a single scratch. Unfortunately right as I was cleaning up the area one little thorn tore right through my glove, and somehow in the process a splinter entered my hand.

Usually it is best to immediately remove a splinter. I didn’t. I left it under my skin. It didn’t really hurt and I thought it would just work out of my skin naturally.

Only it didn’t. And it has been a month. This little splinter has become permanently embedded under my skin, becoming a tiny little irritation that I look at and feel frequently. An irritation that could possibly continue to grow even possibly to infection. So I must get out the tools; the tweezers, magnifying glass, and perhaps even sharp edge of a razor blade to remove the splinter. What would have been so easy to remove is now going to be a major pain.

As I have been chastising myself for not removing the splinter the day it entered my skin, I have been comparing that with the little annoyances or irritations that come into our spiritual lives. Both need to be removed quickly or damage can be done. A physical splinter is really minor compared to the splinters we allow into our hearts - disrupting our love for one another. It starts innocently, we simply become annoyed with a situation or a person. It is either something someone says or does that we allow to get under our skin, and annoy us. Perhaps it is repeated annoyances with another. These begin to grow and fester rapidly morphing into a major grievance. Forgiveness is no where to be seen. We begin to think ill of the person, perhaps we try to avoid the person or worse yet speak ill of the one we have allowed to get us into a full blown state of contention.

I wonder if this is what happened with two sisters in Christ, Euodia and Syntyche, that Paul speaks of in the book of Philippians? These two women will forever be known as the two sisters who couldn’t get along.

Therefore my beloved brethren whom I long to see, my joy and crown, so stand firm in the Lord my beloved. I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to live in harmony in the Lord. Indeed, true comrade, I ask you also to help these women who have shared my struggle in the cause of the gospel, together with Clement also, and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life. Philippians 4: 1-3

Take a closer look at this. These two women were workers in the Kingdom, sharing with Paul in his struggle for the gospel of Christ. Wow. That is amazing to be mentioned in the word of God as a fellow worker for the cause of Christ. They must have been hard working women who put Christ first choosing to commit to work for His cause- to further the gospel.

But.

What an awful little word, three letters that can often negate the good. Three little letters that when put together can be like a thorn ripping out the good and replacing with pain.

But.

They couldn’t get along. They were out of harmony and therefore causing disruption in the work and the love of the church at Philippi. There was a splinter festering in their hearts. To the point that the Apostle Paul had to mention it in his letter- to this group of Christians whom he considered his crown and joy. His plea was to help these two women, these two workers for the Lord - to get along. How sad to be known as the two women who couldn't get along.

While we will never know the source of the splinter nor the outcome of Paul’s admonition, I do wonder.

I wonder if Euodia and Syntyche prayed earnestly for each other.

I wonder if Euodia and Syntyche tried to talk to one another about the splinter between them.

I wonder if Eudoia and Syntyche loved - really truly loved- one another.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

Love doesn't cover someone else's sin, it covers our sin.
It stops splinters from entering our heart and festering into contention.

It’s time for me to remove the splinter in my hand. I've allowed it to stay for too long, so now I must do the hard - slightly painful work - of removing the foreign object before it becomes a permanent part of my skin - potentially damaging the tissue they are under.

Perhaps it’s also time to remove splinters from our hearts - and do the hard work of praying and loving those who have gotten under our skin, before it festers, damaging our ability to love unconditionally as our Lord wants us to.

I hope that Euodia and Syntyche were able to remove the splinter that caused the disharmony. I hope they followed the rest of the Apostle Paul's admonition found in Chapter 4 of Philippians. Please forgive my paraphrase of Philippians 4: 6-8.

~Be anxious for nothing (Don't get all worked up about the things that irritate, or bother)
~Let your requests (anything your are concerned about ) be known to God
~Have a grateful heart when you do so
~Think on the true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and good (about the other person- or whatever is annoying to you)
~Dwell on the good

Thats how we remove splinters from our hearts and in so doing cover a multitude of sins.

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What forgiveness cannot do

3/20/2014

3 Comments

I woke up this morning missing her. The woman who gave me my name. The woman who loved me fiercely, expected much of me, and created in me things which I am both proud of and things I have struggled to overcome. I am a 58 year old woman, with children and grandchildren who now look to me as the matriarch. And yet I miss my mom. Every time I look at an empty bench I think of her, when I see the flowers of springtime peak up through the soil I think of her and when I see the robins - the robins of spring-for whom I was named, I think of her.

My mother and I had an interesting, often challenging relationship. I was her only child, which perhaps led to the complexities of the relationship. Our story is weaved with many moving parts - ours was a novel of love, betrayal, misunderstanding, generosity, cleaving, laughter, obligation, tenacity, longing, and ultimately forgiveness.

It seems to me, behind any challenging human relationship, there often lies an underlying theme of forgiveness, or rather unforgiveness. I am not talking the kind where you never see or talk to each other again, but the kind that winds through every thought and motive, every feeling and emotion within the bounds of the relationship. The kind that puts a strain in the relationship. Right or wrong, we humans have expectations of others and when those expectations aren't met to our satisfaction, we feel disappointment. Those constant disappointments chip away at us and begin to create wounds within, which if left unresolved, become deep wounds that affect our life and most certainly the relationships of our life. Years go by, and if we continue on in the same patterns of expectations, disappointments, and hurts...soon the spirit of unforgiveness inhabits us.

I know, because it happened to me and my mother. We spent years in a dance of being in each others lives, being let down in one way or another, sweeping it under the proverbial rug, or simply shaking the rug off, and then starting the dance all over again. I wasn't happy in our relationship, and prayed for years-over 20 years to be exact- for something to change. I was asking God to help me love her unconditionally, not out of a sense of duty.
After one 'final straw', a very difficult situation for me in the relationship, I thought perhaps God had given me my answer, "My grace is sufficient for you" (2 Corinthians 12: 9)

So I spent the next several years playing the role of a martyr , and just accepting the relationship as is. I quit praying for things to change, and started asking God to help me accept what was.

And then everything changed, in a very challenging way for both of us, when mom came to live with us after she received a diagnosis of terminal cancer. For two and a half years, mom was in our home, with hospice care, and with the loving care of my adult children, children in law, my husband and myself. Those years were such a blessing for mom and I and yet they were our ultimate trial. Slowly, very very slowly over those years, amidst still more set backs, a transformation was taking place; we were learning how to truly love and forgive each other.

God had indeed said yes to my prayer of so many years, in such an unexpected and challenging way. He also said yes to my final prayer about mom and I; that I would be there, right there with her when she drew her last breath, as she had been there when I drew my first breath. It was a sacred moment. Love and forgiveness reigned triumphant in the wonderful, intricate, complex dance that mom and I were in. And I miss her.

But, as wonderful as forgiveness is, there is something it cannot do. It cannot erase my regrets, and it cannot change the past. I regret the lost time and am mournful for the memories we could have made. I regret that it took a lifetime to look past expectations and disappointments. I regret that it took the stark somber presence of cancer to work out the cancer within our relationship. As I write this, my eyes brim with tears. This has been a long time coming. My hope is this small part of my story, will encourage others to forgive with abandon, which is what true forgiveness is. Mom and I wasted far too many years, tied to the yoke of expectation, disappointment and the accompanying awkward moments that unforgiveness brings.

While forgiveness cannot erase regrets or change the past, it can change the future. God uses our past to shape our future. I know because I lived it - I learned it the hard way -

that love IS unconditional and forgiveness IS 70 x 7

And is there any more wonderful lesson to be learned? I am so grateful I had this life dance with my mom, and that she and I shared the struggle and the triumph. I will forever miss you mom, and hope God is merciful to both of us, because I want to dance with you in heaven - with no wheelchair, and no leg braces, just a simple dance of pure joy to be in the presence of the Savior.

Authors note:

Forgive. Forgive whomever has hurt or disappointed you. Listen to your heart, it is where the Holy Spirit is at work within you. Don't wait for them to ask...Joseph didn't. Read about it in Genesis 45, and again in chapter 50. Neither did Steven, in Acts 7, or Jesus for that matter!

I can promise you it won't be easy, but I can promise you it will set you free from burdens you are carrying. Forgive.

If you want to learn more about forgiveness, see the powerpoint on the bible studies page of this site, or contact me through my home page. Nothing is more important to your soul than forgiveness.

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Packing lightly

6/21/2013

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Here I am packing for a trip to New York City, and as usual I am trying to fit the kitchen sink in the suitcase. Gotta be prepared for every scenario, you know?

I am determined not to take a bigger suitcase, so I start rethinking my choices. Hmm...what is non-negotiable, and what do I really not need to pack with me? After about an hour of re-thinking and re-packing, I am satisfied. And when I pick up my bag, wow, I have really lightened the load that I will have to carry.

And yes, that got me thinking...

What do we carry around as baggage within us, that weighs us down? And is it really necessary to be carrying the 'stuff' around in us? And what does all that excess baggage that we drag around with us, day after day, do to us?

Bear with me, as I attempt to tie in overpacking for a trip to the 'baggage' we carry.

The tie in came because I have just finished an excellent book by Dr. Daniel Levy, titled Gray Matter: A Neurosurgeon Discovers the Power of Prayer...One Patient at a Time. I heartily recommend this book. For the science geek in me, it was the perfect blend of medical scenarios and spiritual insight. I started reading it as research for the book on
forgiveness that I am writing. In this book, Dr. Levy makes some interesting claims
and he sites several medical journals, that link physical well being and forgiveness. He makes it a practice to get to know not just his patient's medical history, but their life history to make sure nothing- not anger, or bitterness or unforgiveness will interfere with his patients recovery after the arduous brain surgeries he performs. He also prays with every patient (that consents to it), before he operates on them. Wouldn't you love a doctor like that!?

In chapter one of his book, Dr. Levy states, "Emotions can create health or cause disease, and spiritual health affects emotional health, [which affects physical health]. Laugher and joy are known to restore and encourage health, while bitterness and resentment promote disease. Forgiveness has well documented health benefits."

And then he cites some medical literature to back up his claims, such as the Journal of Pain,
Pain Medicine, International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, and Disability and Rehabilitation Journal.

This is not 'quack' medicine. In fact, in my research, I typed in Forgiveness and Health to my search engine, and I was astounded by how much medical, scientific research is out there to substantiate the connection between physical , emotional and spiritual well being.

So, let's revisit packing my suitcase. And what we 'pack' along for the spiritual journey we are on. After all, aren't we all on a trip? We are just sojourning here on this little blue dot in space, for a short time. We have a final destination, hopefully, we are heading home, to spend eternity with our Savior in heaven.

But boy oh boy, we sure pack our bags full while we are journeying here don't we? Full of stress, which we don't release to God very well. Full of frustration, or anger, and yes, full of unforgiveness. And it makes us weary, and perhaps not feeling so well emotionally and physically.

We will always have trials and situations which produce stress. We will always have people who disappoint us, or hurt us, perhaps causing some pretty deep wounds.
And we will feel sad, angry, frustrated. It's ok to feel all those things, but it is NOT ok to stay in those feelings. We have got to DAILY take them and lay them at His feet.
Your health depends on it!

Is there someone you need to forgive? DO IT TODAY. They haven't asked you to forgive them? Don't let that stop you, it didn't stop Joseph (Genesis 45), or Stephen (Acts 7: 54-60), or Jesus (Luke 23: 34).

The stress you feel, I can't promise it will go away and never return. It is difficult to let go and forgiving is hard, perhaps the hardest spiritual work we are asked to do. But I can promise, that there is Someone who can help you with it.

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you an learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and YOU SHALL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My load is light. Matthew 11: 28-30

I know it's hard, but you can do it. Start getting stuff out of your bag and put it in His bag. Lighten you load, and determine to pack lightly for the rest of your journey.

Authors note;
If you are struggling with forgiveness, I would like to know and help if I can. Just contact me through my home page. Also, if you read through the powerpoint on forgiveness on the Bible studies page, you might get a fresh perspective.

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Welcome! I pray the words I write will encourage reflection within and deeper study of the Word of God, which is able to build us up, equipping us to be victorious as we journey through this earthly life.
May we all earnestly seek the things above, not the things of this world.

The de-splintering of hands and hearts

What forgiveness cannot do

Packing lightly

Posted by
Singing like a robin
daughter of the King
forgiven
joyful
soul strengthener

Categories

Welcome! I pray the words I write will encourage reflection within and deeper study of the Word of God, which is able to build us up, equipping us to be victorious as we journey through this earthly life. May we all earnestly seek the things above, not the things of this world.

The de-splintering of hands and hearts

What forgiveness cannot do

Packing lightly

Posted bySinging like a robindaughter of the Kingforgivenjoyfulsoul strengthener

Categories

Welcome! I pray the words I write will encourage reflection within and deeper study of the Word of God, which is able to build us up, equipping us to be victorious as we journey through this earthly life.
May we all earnestly seek the things above, not the things of this world.

Posted by
Singing like a robin
daughter of the King
forgiven
joyful
soul strengthener